The physical feelings that accompany a broken heart from a relationship ending are a very real thing – and at times incredibly intense. The knee jerk reaction is to want it to go away ( and fast !) or find unhealthy ways to numb it.
In my own lived experiece, there was much denying going on– just faking it with appearances that things were better than they were. When not numbing, and feeling the loneliness or abandonment etc. mysteriously we are also in such a sensitized state where we feel things more deeply , and that has a lasting impression on our hearts. With the passage of time, I acknowledge how much I learned through that painful heart breaking process and what I gained through the loss. Betrayal, unacknowledged hurts, “no closure” creates havoc on one’s mental, emotional and physical health. It did a job on me. I used to wish things were different, that if I had closure with this person, I’d be able to move on. It took me a long time to recover and ultimately to discover that my closure was the only closure I needed. The loss led me to a course called Inner presence coaching which allowed me to receive the benefit of being coached in this way.
“The very thing that brings you to your knees : the very place where your own journey leads you to self love and self compassion….is the very place from which you will be most skilled to be of service” –Sean Corne ( Author of Revolution of the Soul )
Over the last few years, the universe has provided me people in my life with similar heart cracks and brokenness. I know, they have always been there, but my heart recognizes them a lot sooner and with loads more compassion.
What I most want to convey to these souls is to not go it alone. Reach out and find others; build a whole team consisting of professionals, friends and family ( but only confide in those who provide love and support) or attend support groups, meditation classes or spiritual groups. I received massage, energy work, lomi lomi massage, acupuncture, counselling and coaching from numerous practitioners and found ways to deal with the spiralling downturns. I also prayed, journalled, cried, napped, spent time outside–and danced in my living room I recognize that the inner work is the real work,but being able to express myself and gather support from others truly lead me to that work. I became my own best friend. I discovered that I had my own back. I also realized I had essentially lost myself in my marriage. The treasure found amidst the rubble required patience with my heart and soul and now, I know how to show up for myself.
I learned, that after a time, I could keep my heart open and oh, so soft…but I see the benefit of building a f#*@’in fence around it! ( Thank you Danielle La Porte) I’ve learned that I get to say when and if I forgive the person who gaslit me for years ; the one that still offers zero explanations or apologies about the way our relationship ended.
I also make it clear with others who are well intentioned that I am human and I can’t force an action ( ahem…. forgiveness is a verb ) that is not genuine. I’ve sensed when I was being judged, whether in the form of advice or some comment. I did go through a passage where I felt guilt for not being the spiritual person I aspire to and unable to forgive.
I forgave myself for not wanting to forgive. Self compassion in action.
People share their opinions and I listen, however, I know that we each have our own path. And mine is always unfolding. Just like yours.
“I wish I could give you one solution for pain that definitely works. I can’t . It’s a process and it’s different for everyone, but what I can tell you is that if you are badass enough to feel your pain, then you are badass enough to heal your pain”
Cleo Wade, author of Heart Talk
I’m here to listen and to be present with your broken heartedness– whether it’s from betrayal , or the loss of someone important in your life. Reach out to me here if you would like to experience a uniquely individualized session using inner presence coaching. ( Not covered under massage therapy .)
I would be honoured to hold and create a space for you. So that you feel seen, heard and supported. And that your path forward comes from a more clear and open space deep within you.
You are more ok than you think.